The potential of taking time off
PPC. The letters for Progress, Plans and Challenges.
This format calls for a succinct and meaningful way of sharing with others at work what we’re working on, what we are planning next, and what challenges we are facing.
We had been using this approach among a group of product people for a few weeks when I decided to post a version of the quotes in this post. We were using these reports to call for action, for collaboration, for support.
The format is meant as a few bullet points, a handful of short but meaningful sentences.
But today day I am not able to be succinct. Ironically, as I have been away on a vacation, and then at home ill. There should be little for me to say. But the opposite is true. I have been sick for a couple of days this year. Multiple times. So a few bullet points would not cut it for me. This is my challenge:
For most of 2019 I have felt that while we have an amazing product team, we’re not using our potential to the best of our capacities. Although I have attempted in many ways, I have not been able to articulate why, even less act on how to change our org further.
I have brought about an organizational restructure to put attention to critical topics, which I started thinking about in 2018, and I had managed to have in place by end of Q1 2019.
But we are still not where I feel we could be. At the same time, we have the challenges that all product teams have: how to deliver faster, how to make sure we deliver the right thing, how to scale our way of working as our team grows, while keeping high quality and speed, how to work swiftly with other parts of the org, etc.
As it always is, change has been the only constant, and while I have done my best to keep at it, I am really tired.
Ever since I heard this TED talk, The power of time off, I decided I was going to take that approach in my life. I was really excited when I joined Pipedrive, which happened after I had heard that talk, so it was really hard to imagine taking a break then when all this seemed so good, but I still kept that goal in mind. I used to tell my previous managers at Pipedrive that even if I was still excited about what was happening here, in 2018 I would take a break. I was not sure what I was going to do, but I was sure I would do it. Probably not for a year, but definitely not your usual vacation.
2019 is a few months to be over and I have still not taken that break. In the meanwhile, changes don’t stop and they will not stop. So I have to make the call now.
I realized that while Pipedrive is the best place I have worked at, this love for the colleagues, the job, and the challenges have also become my own poison, because there can always be too much of anything, even the good things. I need a break before this poisoning feeling spreads around to others. In a position like mine, with potential impact on so many people, it is important to be fresh, healthy and ready to take on the difficulties, while spreading an inspiring and challenging, yet reassuring vibe. But it is very hard to do that if one is getting sick, and is constantly feeling tired.
So I decided to take a 2-month break. I am also deciding this about two months in advance of the starting date, giving time to contribute to a wider organizational change where my current responsibilities could be properly distributed.
The most difficult part of making this decision has been feeling that I am letting down my team. I want to make sure that even if I don’t feel I can support them at this point, they have a way to support each other. I see this as an opportunity for a team with greater autonomy, which is an important value in an individual’s self-development. I hope that this means my absence, which is already manifesting itself even when the break has not started, is an opportunity for their growth, and not an obstacle to it.
As I make this decision, I call my peers and team to support the challenges we are going through even if we are one person down, or two. That was, after all, one of the objectives of this weekly PPC.
A week into having shared this information with my team and peers, I also start making some changes to the way I work, and I delegate some things, and I also see how in a natural way others also step forward and start working with each other and driving key changes. My realization is that part of my feeling overwhelm comes from not having known how to do this before it came to this point. I am glad to see it at work now, tho. I feel that as there are less weeks to start my break, I am more calm and focused. I am enjoying being an observer and still being able to contribute.
I do not know exactly what I will do with these two months, although a couple of exciting things are already planned (ahem, a bucket-list trip to South Korea, for example :)).
I am even less sure of what I will do at my return to work. A colleague actually asked me the question of what I’d like to do then, and I felt that no matter what, the best is for me to come back and see where things are at that point, and identify where my skills and expectations best sit in the organization at that future point in time. It is fair for the organization, and healthy for myself to rest and decide.
Whichever the case, I do feel the potential of taking time off to get perspective, to connect with other areas of my life, to regain my health and try new things. If that means coming back as a better professional, bring it on. My sense is that it will mean restoring essentials to my happiness, and that is important to me and to those I love.
I am thankful to my colleagues and to Pipedrive as a company for supporting me in a decision like this. I am particularly thankful to the people that have taken on endeavors that I was not able to continue to drive, even when they were not asked to, and not letting the ball drop for the team. You know who you are.
This is a luxury and I am aware of it.
Happy Friday
Maria 🌺
P.S. This is not the first time I take a break from work (it is the first time at this job), and while I am not in the blissful position of high energy I had imagined I’d be when doing it this second time, I can tell that I am definitely in a much better situation than I was when I first did it back in 2014. Back then I just quit my job to never return. I would not want to use a buzzword, but I was probably experiencing a burnout back then (I wrote about it in this post, in Spanish tho!). Another big difference is the potential of job security. While I cannot expect a guarantee that my job will be there when I am back, I know I have the skills and enthusiasm to contribute where they need it and if they need it then. That is something truly invaluable.
Originally published at https://marialasprilla.wordpress.com on September 22, 2019.
